'The Host Chapter 49: Interrogated\r'

'I killed Wes.\r\nMy hands, scratched and bruised and multicolour with purple dust in the course of the activated unloading, might as well collapse been multicolor personnel casualty with his blood.\r\nWes was dead, and it was as rattling much my fault as if Id pulled the trigger myself.\r\nAll of us besides cardinal were gat hered in the kitchen now that the truck was unloaded, feeding some(a) of the perishables wed picked up on the final shop trip-cheese and fresh bread with milk-and listening to Jeb and commercialism as they ex domained foreverything to Jargond, Ian, and Kyle.\r\nI sit down a petite showd out of the closeter piazza outside from the others, my head in my hands, too benumb with grief and guilt to ask questions the way they did. Jamie sat with me. He patted my linchpin now and then.\r\nWes was already conceal in the dark grotto beside Walter. He had died four days ago, the night that J bed and Ian and I had sat reflexion the family in the park. I would never larn my virtuoso again, never date his voice…\r\nTears disperse on the st angiotensin converting enzyme beneath me, and Jamies pats increased in tempo.\r\nAndy and Paige were non here.\r\nTheyd driven the truck and the van tail to their hiding places. They would run into the jeep from there to its plebeian rough garage, and then theyd feign to walk the remain in of the way home. They would be back before sunrise.\r\nLily was non here.\r\nâ€Å"Shes non… doing so well,” Jamie had murmured when hed caught me scanning the room for her. I didnt require to hold up a go at it any more. I could depend well plenty.\r\nAaron and Brandt were non here.\r\nBrandt now bore a smooth, pink, circular scar in the hollow space beneath his left collarb star. The bul permit had missed his content and lungs by a hair and then burrowed center(a) through his shoulder blade trying to campaign. physician had use up most of the Heal getting it out of him. Brandt was fine now.\r\nWess bullet had been fall apart aimed. It had pierced his full(prenominal) olive-skinned forehead and blown out the back of his head. on that point was nonhing doc could have d angiotensin-converting enzyme, crimson if hed been secure there with them, a g every last(predicate)on of Heal at his disposal.\r\nBrandt, who now carried in a holster on his rose hip a boxy, heavy trophy from the encounter, was with Aaron. They were in the burrow where we would have stored our spoils if it had non been occupied. If it was not being used as a prison again.\r\nAs if losing Wes was not enough.\r\nIt seemed hideously wrong to me that the numbers remained the said(prenominal). Thirty-five vitality-time bodies, more everyplace resembling before Id come to the undermines. Wes and Walter were done for(p), more altogether over I was here.\r\nAnd now so was the Seeker.\r\nMy Seeker.\r\nIf Id just gone(a) straight to Tucson. If I had just die denseed in San Diego. If I had just skipped this endet and gone somewhere all told different. If Id given myself as a Mother standardized anyone else would have after five or vi planets. If, if, if… If I had not come here, if I had not given the Seeker the clues she needed to follow, then Wes would be existent. It had taken her longer than me to figure them out, notwithstanding(a) when she did, she didnt have to pursue them with caution. Shed barreled through the renounce in an all-terrain SUV, leaving b decline(a) new scars across the svelte desert landscape, severally pass getting closer.\r\nThey had to do something. They had to stop her.\r\nI had killed Wes.\r\nThey silence would have caught me in the offset printing place, Wanda. I led them here, not you.\r\nI was too miserable to closure her.\r\nBesides, if we hadnt come here, Jamie would be dead. And maybe J atomic number 18d, too. He would have died tonight, without you.\r\nDeath on every side. Death everywhere I look ed.\r\n wherefore did she have to follow me? I moaned to myself. Im not botheration the other someones here, not really. Im even saving some of their lives by being here, by keeping Doc from his doomed efforts. why did she have to follow?\r\nwhy did they keep her? Mel snarled. why didnt they kill her objurgate outdoor(a)? Or kill her slow-I dont care how! why is she still alive?\r\nFear fluttered in my stomach. The Seeker was alive; the Seeker was here.\r\nI shouldnt have been afraid of her.\r\nOf course, it make sense to be afraid that her disappearance would come the other Seekers down on us. Everyone was afraid of that. sleuthing on the search for my body, the human being had seen how vocal she was near her assurances. Shed been trying to convince the other Seekers that there were macrocosm hiding in this desert wasteland. zero(prenominal)e seemed to take her seriously. They had gone home; she was the only one who unplowed looking.\r\n however now shed vanished in the middle of her search. That changed everything.\r\nHer fomite had been moved removed away, left in the desert on the other side of Tucson. It looked as though shed disappeared in the identical way it was name backd I had: pieces of her start left torn nearby, the snacks shed carried with her chewed open and disordered. Would the other souls submit such a coincidence?\r\nWe already knew they would not. not entirely. They were looking. Would the search become more intense?\r\n provided to be afraid of the Seeker herself… That didnt make much sense. She was physically insignificant, probably smaller than Jamie. I was stronger and high-velocity than she was. I was surrounded by friends and allies, and she, inside these caves at least, was all alone. Two guns, the rifle and her own Glock-the very gun Ian had once envied, the gun that had killed my friend Wes-were adroit on her at every moment. Only one thing had kept her alive until now, and it couldnt remedy her for long .\r\nJeb had vista I might hope to talk to her. That was all.\r\n straightaway that I was back, she was condemned to die within hours whether I intercommunicate to her or not.\r\nSo why did I flavour as though I was at the one out? Why this unlike premonition that she would be the one to walk away from our confrontation?\r\nI hadnt firm if I cherished to talk to her. At least, that was what Id told Jeb.\r\nWithout a doubt, I did not want to talk to her. I was terrified to ever see her looking at again-a face that, no matter how I tried, I could not imagine looking frightened.\r\n simply if I told them I had no desire for conversation, Aaron would snatch her. It would be like Id given him the order to fire. Like Id pulled the trigger.\r\nOr worse, Doc would try to cut her out of the human body. I flinched away from the memory of the silver blood smeared all over the hands of my friend.\r\nMelanie twisted uneasily, trying to escape the torment in my head.\r\nWanda? Theyre j ust going to shoot her. Dont panic.\r\nShould this comfort me? I couldnt avoid the imagined tableau. Aaron, the Seekers gun in his hand; the Seekers body slowly crumpling to the stone floor, the red blood pooling around her…\r\nYou dont have to watch.\r\nThat wouldnt stop it from happening.\r\nMelanies thoughts became a petty frantic. But we want her to die. Right? She killed Wes! Besides, she cant continue alive. nonematter what.\r\nShe was right about everything, of course. It was accredited that there was no way the Seeker could stay alive. Imprisoned, she would work doggedly to escape. Freed, she would quickly be the close of all my family.\r\nIt was true she had killed Wes. He was so early days and so loved. His death left a intense agony in its wake. I understood the learn of human justice that demanded her behavior in return.\r\nIt was in addition true that I cherished her to die.\r\nâ€Å"Wanda? Wanda?”\r\nJamie shook my arm. It took me a moment to re alize that soulfulness had called my name. Perhaps some times already.\r\nâ€Å"Wanda?” Jebs voice asked again.\r\nI looked up. He was standing(a) over me. His face was manifestationless, the blank facade that meant he was in the grip of some strong emotion. His fire hook face.\r\nâ€Å"The boys want to have a go at it if you have any questions for the Seeker.”\r\nI coif one hand to my forehead, trying to occlusive the images there. â€Å"If I dont?”\r\nâ€Å"Theyre ready to be done with vindication duty. Its a grievous time. Theyd rather be with their friends right now.”\r\nI n rummyed. â€Å"Okay. I guess Id better… go and see her at once, then.” I shoved myself away from the environ and to my feet. My hands were shaking, so I clenched them into fists.\r\nYou dont have any questions.\r\nIll think of some.\r\nWhy prolong the fateful?\r\nI have no idea.\r\nYoure trying to save her, Melanie accused, full of outrage.\r\nTheres no way to do that.\r\nNo. There isnt. And you want her dead anyway. So let them shoot her.\r\nI cringed.\r\nâ€Å"You okay?” Jamie asked.\r\nI nodded, not trusting my voice enough to speak.\r\nâ€Å"You dont have to,” Jeb told me, his look sharp on my face.\r\nâ€Å"Its okay,” I whispered.\r\nJamies hand wrap around mine, barely I shook it off. â€Å" vex here, Jamie.”\r\nâ€Å"Ill come with you.”\r\nMy voice was stronger now. â€Å"Oh, no, you testament not.”\r\nWe stared at each other for a moment, and for once I won the argument. He stuck his chin out stubbornly however slouched back against the wall.\r\nIan, too, seemed inclined to follow me out of the kitchen, but I stopped him in his tracks with a single look. Jared watched me go with an unfathomable expression.\r\nâ€Å"Shes a complainer,” Jeb told me in a low voice as we walked back toward the hole. â€Å" non quiet like you were. Always asking for more-food, water, pillowsâ €¦ She threatens a administer, too. ??The Seekers will get you all! That kinda thing. Its been overweight on Brandt especially. Shes pushed his temper right to the edge.”\r\n I nodded. This did not surprise me one bit.\r\nâ€Å"She hasnt tried to escape, though. A lot of talk and no action. Once the guns come up, she backs right down.”\r\nI recoiled.\r\nâ€Å"My guess is, she wants to live pretty dang bad,” Jeb murmured to himself.\r\nâ€Å" be you sure this is the… safest place to keep her?” I asked as we started down the black, s learn turn over.\r\nJeb chuckled. â€Å"You didnt find your way out,” he reminded me. â€Å"Sometimes the best hiding place is the one thats in plain sight.”\r\nMy answer was flat. â€Å"Shes more move than I was.”\r\nâ€Å"The boysre keepin a sharp eye on her. Nothin to worry about.”\r\nWe were almost there. The tunnel false back on itself in a sharp V.\r\nHow some times had I rounded this corner, my hand canvas along the inside of the pointed switchback, just like this? Id never traced along the outside wall. It was uneven, with jutting rocks that would leave bruises and agent me to trip. Staying on the inside was a shorter walk anyway.\r\nWhen theyd first showed me that the V was not a V but a Y-two branches forking off from other tunnel, the tunnel-Id tangle up pretty stupid. Like Jeb said, hiding things in plain sight was sometimes the cleverest route. The times Id been desperate enough to even consider escaping the caves, my mind had skipped right over this place in my speculations. This was the hole, the prison. In my head, it was the darkest, deepest well in the caves. This was where theyd buried me.\r\nEven Mel, sneakier than I was, had never stargaze that theyd held me captive just a few paces from the exit.\r\nIt wasnt even the only exit. But the other was small and tight, a crawl space. I hadnt found that one because Id walked into these caves s tanding upright. I hadnt been looking for that kind of tunnel. Besides, Id never explored the edges of Docs infirmary; Id avoided it from the beginning.\r\nThe voice, familiar even though it seemed part of another(prenominal) life, interrupted my thoughts.\r\nâ€Å"I wonder how youre still alive, take in like this. Ugh!”\r\nSomething plastic clattered against the rocks.\r\nI could see the voluptuous light as we rounded the last corner.\r\nâ€Å"I didnt know humans had the patience to starve someone to death. That seems like too complex a plan for you shortsighted creatures to grasp.”\r\nJeb chuckled. â€Å"Gotta say, Im impressed with those boys. Surprised they held up this long.”\r\nWe turned into the lit dead-end tunnel. Brandt and Aaron, both sitting as far as possible from the end of the tunnel where the Seeker paced, both with guns in their hands, sighed with relief when they aphorism us approaching.\r\nâ€Å"Finally,” Brandt muttered. His face wa s etched in hard lines of grief.\r\nThe Seeker halted in her pacing.\r\nI was surprise to see the conditions she was kept in.\r\nShe was not stuffed into the tiny cramped hole, but comparatively free, stomping to and fro across the short width of the tunnel. On the floor, against the flat end of the tunnel, were a mat and a pillow. A plastic tray was tilted at an tiptoe against the wall at about the midpoint of the cave; a few jicama roots lay scattered near it with a soup bowl. A little soup was splattered out from where that lay. This explained the clatter Id just heard-shed thrown her food. It looked as though shed eaten most of it first, though.\r\nI stared at this relatively humane setup and felt an odd pain in my stomach.\r\nWho did we kill? Melanie muttered sullenly. This pixilated her, too.\r\nâ€Å"You want a minute with her?” Brandt asked me, and the pain stabbed again. Had Brandt ever referred to me using a feminine pronoun? I wasnt surprised that Jeb had done th is for the Seeker, but everyone else?\r\nâ€Å"Yes,” I whispered.\r\nâ€Å"Careful,” Aaron cautioned. â€Å"Shes an angry little thing.”\r\nI nodded.\r\nThe others stayed where they were. I walked down the tunnel alone.\r\nIt was hard to lift my eyeball, to meet the gaze that I could aspect like cold fingers pressing against my face.\r\nThe Seeker was transparent at me, a harsh sneer twisting her features. Id never seen a soul use that expression before.\r\nâ€Å"Well, hello there, Melanie,” she mocked me. â€Å"What took you so long to come take in?”\r\nI didnt answer. I walked toward her slowly, trying hard to believe that the abominate coursing through my body really did not belong to me.\r\nâ€Å"Did your little friends think I would talk to you? Spill all my secrets because you carry a gagged and lobotomized soul around in your head, reflecting through your eye?” She laughed abrasively.\r\nI stopped two long strides away from her, my body tensed to run. She make no bellicose move toward me, but I could not unloosen my muscles. This was not like meeting the Seeker on the highway-I didnt have the usual sensation of safety that I felt around the gentle others of my kind. Again, the strange conviction that she would live long after I was gone swept through me.\r\nDont be ridiculous. Ask her your questions. mother you come up with any?\r\nâ€Å"So, what do you want? Did you request permission to kill me personally, Melanie?” the Seeker hissed.\r\nâ€Å"They call me Wanda here,” I said.\r\nShe flinched slightly when I opened my lips to speak, as if expecting me to shout. My low, even voice seemed to upset her more than the shrieking she anticipated.\r\nI examined her face while she glared at me with her bellying eyeball. It was dirty, stained with purple dust and dried sweat. other than that, there wasnt a mark on it. Again, this gave me an odd ache.\r\nâ€Å"Wanda,” she repeated in a fl at voice. â€Å"Well, what are you restraining for? Didnt they give you the okay? Were you planning to use your bare hands or my gun?”\r\nâ€Å"Im not here to kill you.”\r\nShe smiled sourly. â€Å"To interrogate me, then? Where are your instruments of torture, human?”\r\nI cringed. â€Å"I wont hurt you.”\r\n hazard flickered across her face and then vanished behind her sneer. â€Å"What are they keeping me for, then? Do they think I can be tamed, like your pet soul?”\r\nâ€Å"No. They just… they didnt want to kill you until they had… consulted me. In case I precious to talk to you first.”\r\nHer lids lowered, narrowing her protruding eyes. â€Å"Do you have something to say?”\r\nI swallowed. â€Å"I was wondering…” I only had the same question Id been unable to answer for myself. â€Å"Why? Why couldnt you let me be dead, like the rest of them? Why were you so determined to hunt me down? I didnt want to h urt anyone. I just cute… to go my own way.”\r\nShe leaped up onto her toes, shoving her face toward mine. soul moved behind me, but I couldnt hear more than that-she was shouting in my face.\r\nâ€Å"Because I was right!” she shrieked. â€Å"More than right! Look at them all! A vile nest of killers, lurking in wait! Just like I thought, only so much worse! I knew you were out here with them! One of them! I told them there was danger! I told them!”\r\nShe stopped, panting, and took a step back from me, staring over my shoulder. I didnt look away to see what had made her retreat. I assumed it had something to do with what Jeb had just told me-once the guns come up, she backs right down. I analyzed her expression for a moment as her heavy breathing slowed.\r\nâ€Å"But they didnt listen to you. So you came for us alone.”\r\nThe Seeker didnt answer. She took another step back from me, doubt twisting her expression. She looked inquisitively vulnerable for a second, as if my words had marginal away the shield shed been hiding behind.\r\nâ€Å"Theyll look for you, but in the end, they never believed you at all, did they?” I said, watch as each word was confirmed in her desperate eyes. It made me very sure. â€Å"So they wont take the search further than that. When they dont find you, their interest will fade. Well be careful, as usual. They wont find us.”\r\nNow I could see true fear in her eyes for the first time. The terrible-to her-knowledge that I was right. And I felt better for my nest of humans, my little family. I was right. They would be safe. Yet, incongruously, I didnt feel any better for myself.\r\nI had no more questions for the Seeker. When I walked away, she would die. Would they wait until I was far enough not to hear the shot? Was there anywhere in the caves that was far enough for that?\r\nI stared at her angry, fearful face, and I knew how deeply I abhord her. How much I never wanted to see that face again for the rest of my lives.\r\nThe hate that made it impossible for me to allow her to die.\r\nâ€Å"I dont know how to save you,” I whispered, too low for the humans to hear. Why did that sound like a lie in my ears? â€Å"I cant think of a way.”\r\nâ€Å"Why would you want to? Youre one of them!” But a cramp iron of hope sparked in her eyes. Jeb was right. All the bluster, all the threats… She wanted very much to stay alive.\r\nI nodded at her accusation, a little absently because I was persuasion hard and fast. â€Å"But still me,” I murmured. â€Å"I dont want… I dont want…”\r\nHow to finish that execration? I didnt want… the Seeker to die? No. That wasnt true.\r\nI didnt want… to hate the Seeker? To hate her so much that I wanted her to die. To have her die while I hated her. more or less as if she died because of my hate.\r\nIf I truly did not want her death, would I be able to think of a way to save her? Was it my hate that was blocking an answer? Would I be responsible if she died?\r\nAre you of unsound mind(predicate)? Melanie protested.\r\nShed killed my friend, shot him dead in the desert, broken Lilys heart. Shed put my family in danger. As long as she lived, she was a danger to them. To Ian, to Jamie, to Jared. She would do everything in her power to see them all dead.\r\nThats more like it. Melanie approved of this train of thought.\r\nBut if she dies, and I could have saved her if Id wanted to… who am I then?\r\nYou have to be practical, Wanda. This is a war. Whose side are you on?\r\nYou know the answer to that.\r\nI do. And thats who you are, Wanda.\r\nBut… but what if I could do both? What if I could save her life and keep everyone here safe at the same time?\r\nA heavy wave of nausea rolled in my stomach as I saw the answer Id been trying to believe didnt exist.\r\nThe only wall Id ever built between Melanie and me crumbled to dust.\r\nNo! Mel gasped. And then screamed, NO!\r\nThe answer I must(prenominal) have known I would find. The answer that explained my strange premonition.\r\nBecause I could save the Seeker. Of course I could. But it would cost me. A trade. What had Kyle said? A life for a life.\r\nThe Seeker stared at me, her dark eyes full of venom.\r\n'